


Benediction

by Aenaria



Series: the Will and the Heart [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Ficlet Collection, It Came From Tumblr, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, angsty!Steve, even though he's a bit entitled to it here, even though it was written beforehand and is now kinda AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6643633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aenaria/pseuds/Aenaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of his encounter with the Winter Soldier, Steve takes refuge with Darcy, at least for a little while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Benediction

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story where there's probably the most distinct deviation from canon, if only because I wrote it before WS came out, and so I pulled a lot of my speculation about what happened to Bucky from the comic book rather than the movie (which, in the immediate moment of the story, is a bit different from what we saw on the screen). I'd intended at one point to go back and edit the story to be more in line with movie events, but as that was two years ago and I haven't made the edits yet, I figured I'd post it as is. The story still stands up on its own, however, so I hope you enjoy it. :)
> 
> Original notes: From trick-photography1: Steve explaining his relationship to Winter Soldier to Darcy. And feels, lots and lots of feels =)
> 
> Yet again, it kind of veered off course slightly from the prompt, but Steve and his guilt complex definitely made an appearance. :) There’s some vague spoilers for the upcoming movie in there (I’ll tag for spoilers below too, just in case), and my conclusion as for the fate of the Winter Soldier is pulled directly from the comic books (which came from me asking theladyscribe this past weekend what exactly happened in the book in a post-trailer craze). Still, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Okay, enough with the notes, on with the fic…

“Not that I don’t love the enthusiastic reunions – because I do, babe – but what’s up?”  Darcy runs a hand over Steve’s shoulders, still sweaty from exertion.  She presses a kiss to the top of his head where he’s nuzzling into her breasts.

“I just…I missed you.”  He rests his chin on her sternum so he can look at her.  “Hopefully we didn’t disturb the neighbors,” Steve finishes with a smile.

“It’s a hotel; they can deal.”  Darcy pokes him on the nose.  “And you’re stalling.”

Steve huffs lightly and turns his head to look out the window.  It’s the middle of the night in London, but even so the street’s still lit up and he can hear some cars rushing by.  He knew that he was going to have to talk about things from the moment he called and said he was coming to visit her, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to go through it again, even with his girl.  “Whatever it is, I don’t care,” he hears Darcy say above his head.  “I’m still here for you.”

The words loosen up something in him, and Steve sighs heavily.  He strokes a hand up Darcy’s bare side, slowly enough that it doesn’t tickle.  “I quit SHIELD,” he says quietly.  Darcy doesn’t start, doesn’t act shocked, just cards her hand back through his hair.  “You don’t seem surprised.”

“Because the last few times we talked you didn’t seem all too thrilled with the way they were doing things.”

“What did you call them, ‘jack-booted thugs’?”

“Technically, it was Erik that said that, but yeah.”  Her hand moves through his hair again.  “What else?”

“Darcy…”

She tugs none too gently at his hair, forcing his eyes back to hers.  “Don’t even try it, Steve,” she says.  “You’re pretty easy to read.”

Steve’s eyes fall shut, focusing more on the hand in his hair than anything else.  And so he begins to tell Darcy the story.  Once the words start it’s impossible to hold them back, like the constant tide.  He tells her everything, about all the suspicions, about Pierce and Rumlow, the attacks coming from inside SHIELD, about Natasha, about all the secrets Nick Fury is keeping from everybody else…

About the Winter Soldier.  About Bucky.

He tells her everything because he hates being the only person out there with all of this knowledge.

“And then at the end…”  Steve’s voice is hoarse by now, from stress and the constant stream of talking; not even the serum can overcome that.  “At the end…I told him to ‘remember who you are.’  Then there was a flash of light, and he just disappeared.”  He buries his face in Darcy’s skin again, feeling more bone-tired than he’s been in a long time.

Darcy clears her throat above him.  Her hands are still moving on his skin, which is probably the only thing that’s keeping him from jumping out of it at the moment.  They might even lull him to sleep, and there’s every chance it’d be the first good night’s sleep he’s had since this whole damn thing started.  “Okay,” she says, low voice strident in the stillness.  “While I’ll be forever grateful to SHIELD ‘cause that’s how I met you, I think you were right for telling them to take a flying leap.”

“What happened to Bucky, though…”  Steve trails off, not quite sure what to say.  If only he’d reached out a little further, held on a little tighter.

“Still not your fault,” Darcy says softly.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.  You’ve got a guilt complex that’d put the Vatican to shame.”  He wants to argue, he really does.  But she’s not wrong.

Steve sighs, kisses the skin above her heart.  He’d like to crawl inside her for a little while, pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist, but it’s an irrational, fantastical hope.  “After Bucky di…fell from the train, I was told to allow him the dignity of his choice.  That it was his choice alone to follow me and protect me.”

“Yup.  They’re not wrong.”

“But he didn’t choose to have his brain scrambled and turned into – into-“  He can’t think of the appropriate word to encapsulate everything the Winter Soldier is.

Darcy snorts in a most indelicate sort of a way.  “Okay, there’s no way you could have predicted any of that would have happened back in 1945.”

“I should have done something.  Tried harder to grab him – “

She cuts him off by pulling his head up to hers and kissing him hard.  “That’s bullshit and you know it,” she says against his mouth.

It’s not absolution, not by far (he’s got a long way to go before he reaches that), but there’s benediction in her words.  It’s a start.  But Steve can’t help asking, “What if he’s dead again?  What if whatever happened out there killed him for good?”

Darcy purses her lips, thinking hard.  The pause gives Steve enough time to lever himself up onto his forearms, stretching out on top of her body.  Her skin feels good against his, and while the hotel blanket is a bit on the scratchy side, it’s still doing a fine job keeping him warm.  “It’s possible,” she eventually says, cupping a hand around the back of his neck, “but then weren’t you supposed to be killed in the plane crash?  Dude, we’re living in a world where aliens have come to Earth and there’s actual magic out there.  Anything is possible.”

“That’s a very optimistic view,” Steve says, sliding to the side and spooning up to Darcy instead.  He wraps himself around her, and is rewarded when she snuggles back into him.

“One of us ought to be.”  She twists, shooting him a wry grin over her shoulder.  “And what’s this about the Black Widow trying to set you up on another date?”  Steve just groans, dropping his head into the crook of her neck and making her giggle.  “I’m sorry, but if you saw your face when you were talking about it you wouldn’t be able to resist either.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look that uncomfortable.”

“Sometimes I hate this long-distance thing,” Steve sighs, pulling her hips back into his and curling around her even more, like he’s trying to memorize her with his entire body.  They’ve already had the discussion about keeping the relationship secret; while it’s not ideal it’s the safest option for both of them, especially now.

Darcy’s hands wrap around his, holding them tight to her stomach.  “Try sharing a flat with Jane, Erik, _and_ Thor.  Oh, and Jane’s mother.  I can’t even get five minutes to myself, let alone enough time to send you naughty videos on Skype.”  Then she twists in his arms, rearranging herself until they’re pressed up against each other, chest to chest.  It’s something Steve misses whenever they’re apart, the way that even in the deepest sleep she’s never still, always alive and moving about.

“Can you stay the night?” Steve asks.  It may be a lot to ask given her ‘roommates’, but he wants to be selfish for once and keep her as close as possible for as long as he can.

Darcy reaches up to stroke a finger down one of his sideburns, shifting like she’s trying to get as close to him as she possibly can.  “Absolutely.”


End file.
